It’s been 2 years since I have written anything here, unfortunately 2 years I think since I’ve written anything at all. It’s sad when I think about it. I don’t even know if anyone is on this site anymore. I don’t even know why I am here at this hour at night. Maybe it’s because I feel restless, maybe I’m just getting that bad again and I feel the need to write something, anything. Everything feels like a blur. Life is passing by again, everyone is going their own way and I’m left behind. Stuck. Going through the motions. Losing him… Losing me… Losing us by pushing him away. And I can’t stop from thinking that it’s my fault, my damn fault that I push people away and act crazy when I get in this state. I can’t focus. I can’t think straight. Everything is a blur. My heart… My brain… Everything is chaos. I know maybe I shouldn’t be jealous, but why do you act with her the way you used to act with me? Why to you talk to her the way you used to talk to me? Why do you answer her messages and ignore mine? Seen is life? Mostly… why do you seek to talk to her in the middle of the night while I’m sleeping next to you? You say you love me so much and my jealousy is stupid, but how can I not be this way when I see you acting with her the way you used to act with me at the beginning, talking with her all the time when you’re with me? How can I act normal when my heart is breaking with the fear that you’ll forget about me?
You’re not the beginning and you’re not the end. You’re not my life, you’re not my soul, you’re not who I am. You don’t own me and I don’t own you. I can’t stop you from falling in love with someone else, I can’t force your heart to love mine just because mine loves yours. We were an almost kind of love at the beginning. Maybe that’s all we were meant to be. I want you to be happy, but you’re my home. You’re the person I want to come back to all my life, even when we are both old and life has beaten us down way to many times. I want me to be the one that make you happy, I want it to be us for the rest of our lives. What happened to our happy ever after?
„Life ain’t a fairytale kid.”
Imagination is a dream 